By Allan Gould
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Extra info for Anne of Green Gables vs. G.I. Joe: Friendly Fire Between Canada and the U.S.
Interestingly, bald eagles are frequently harried by smaller birds that, like lone terrorists, can sometimes outmanoeuvre the more powerful creature. This is why the bald eagle, like the American president, is so often in a foul mood. THE CAN AD I AN BEAVER The beaver, on the other hand, is Canada's largest rodent and cannot fly. Its proper name is Castor Canadensis, a fact known by hundreds of proud Canadian Latin teachers and biologists. As even those men and women are unaware, this national emblem has influenced the history of Canada more than any other animal, with the possible exception of Moses Znaiiner.
It inhabits forested regions, yet it is rarely found on the Prairies. It builds homes of logs, sticks, mud, and debris. The entrance to its home is underwater (a nod to Vancouver, obviously). It collects wood and fells trees. It builds canals, even if most ships are now too large to get through them. It has small, beady eyes, like many Canadian lawyers and TV producers. In some ways, the beaver is a more stalwart Canadian than the rest of us. It does not hibernate but copes with the 21 winter, never trying to book a last-minute discount flight to Florida.
But what many MPs in Ottawa have been pushing for is a revised Citizenship Oath along the line of From this day forward, I pledge my loyalty and allegiance to Canada and Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, queen of Canada, I promise to respect our country's rights and freedoms [author's note: this sentence is only going to turn coundess legal and tax-paying residents of this country, who happen to be international terrorists on the side, into liars, and as we well know nobody trusts a liar], to uphold our democratic values [ditto], to faithfully observe our laws and fulfil my duties and obligations as a Canadian citizen.